Eye to the Telescope
by Jerkface-Allyface
Summary: Life was good, perfect even. But things don't always stay that way. Maddison oneshot. By Ally.


Eye to the Telescope

You swear you can feel the world stop turning, when the small bundle is placed into your arms. Or maybe you just want it to stop turning, so that everything stays as perfect as it is in that one moment, forever. A moment when it seems that all of you dreams have come true, and all of your prayers have been answered. You feel as though your heart could explode for the love you feel towards the holder of the sleepy blue eyes that peer up at you. You look over at the only family that you have, sitting over in the chairs next to you. This family, though small is more of a family then you ever thought you would have. So in your mind they are perfect. Your husband is smiling at you, and stroking the hair of the small child sleeping his lap. The girl, with hair redder than yours even is fast asleep. You can remember the day when the stick turned blue. You and Mark had been trying for 3 years to conceive and each time the test came out negative you shed tears for reasons you couldn't explain. When your daughter had been born six weeks prematurely you found yourself crying a whole new set of tears, with a completely different meaning. But then the day that you got to bring her home, made up for all of the tears when you and Mark shared so much joy that you thought would never come your way. And now today in that perfect moment, with your husband, daughter and, newborn son you wept. Not tears of sadness but tears of joy for the way things were. And the way you hoped that they would stay.

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You began walking out the door, with your two year old son in your arms and Mark yelling at you not to forget to go to the grocery store. Your mind was racing trying to get out of the house and get James to daycare and get to work on time. Leaving your husband at home to fight with Julie about what flavor jelly should go on her sandwich for lunch, and trusting him to get the nine year old girl to school on time, a task you had been doing for the past 4 years. But today you had an early surgery and were in a hurry just to get to the hospital in time to scrub in. So with a quick goodbye from Julie and, a quick kiss on the cheek from Mark, you and James finally left the house. While you were on your way to the daycare center down the street from the hospital, you began to think of the morning before, when everything was still in routine. The nice mornings that you got to share with your family, before heading out for a hectic day at work, you began to miss the loving kiss you and Mark shared most mornings, even though only a day had gone by without it. You missed the way James would spill his milk all over his clothes, and would have to be changed at least 3 times before you even left the house. You missed how you always checked Julie's homework, and you missed the smile she had when all of the answers were right. That's what most mornings were for you, and yet this morning was different, and you didn't like it the least bit. Your motto had always been 'live every moment as if it were your last.' You couldn't figure out why the lack of that special routine this morning bothered you so much, and why you longed more than anything to go back home and kiss Mark one more time, and hug Julie tighter than you ever had before.

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All you remember before blacking out was the bright headlights that shown in your eyes and James' laughter in the backseat fade away. You felt something on your hand, and slowly opened your eyes, afraid of what you would see, and afraid of what you would hear, and even more of the laughs that you wouldn't hear. Mark was laying head down on the bed, and his hand was grasping your tight. When you opened your eyes, he lifted his head and looked up at you, his eyes tear stained and red. You began to breathe harder, before he even spoke, and the quick breathing soon turned into more. You were hypervenalating, before you even realized it and, didn't know how to stop. "Addison…Addison look at me." You heard Mark saying. He began to stroke your head, and speak to you softly through his own tears. You looked at him with eyes of fear, and asked him were your son was. His eyes gave you the answer and once again you found yourself wishing to hear the laughter of the small boy. Mark sat down next you on the bed and you tried to move, but stopped when you felt the shooting pain throughout your whole body. He rapped his arms around you as you cried into him.

It had all been your fault, you kept telling yourself. If you had been paying more attention instead of thinking about how things should have been that morning, then James would still be here. You felt a whole other flow of tears run down your cheeks, when you thought of him and had to laugh when you thought about never seeing him again, because it all seemed so surreal. You weren't sure if you could exist in a world where your son did not. And you weren't sure if you wanted too.

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Your heart began to race, and you heard someone call code blue, and saw all the nurses and other doctors running around you. But that's it, after that it was all over almost as quickly as it had begun, it had ended.

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Three years later in the 7th grade class room, the name Julie was called. The girl walked up to the front of the class clutching a picture in her hand. Her hair the exact replica of fire, and her sense of fashion miring that of her hero. That had been the project for her English class; give a speech on someone that has influenced your life, your hero. And as she stood in front of her class getting ready to tell her story, she shed a single tear and began.

"My hero is Addison Montgomery-Sloan, and she was a doctor, but more importantly she is my mother. She and my younger brother James died three years ago in a car accident. The driver that hit them, drunk. James he went quickly almost instantly. But my mom she held on. My dad always tells me that she wanted so bad to be okay, so that she could stay with me. But I know that she had to go, because she needed to be with my brother. He was only two, and I know that she didn't want him to go alone. And I used to be so angry at her for leaving me. I miss her so much everyday. And I know that will never really change. I used to have this shirt of hers that still smelled like her, I would sleep with at night. After awhile the shirt last it's sent and I thought then that I had lost her forever. I remember trying to find the perfect laundry detergent, I was willing to do everything in order to get that sent back, because I thought that it was the only thing that would keep her alive. But now I know that she will be alive in my heart forever, and even thought I didn't get to know her for very long, I still have my dad to tell me happy stories of her when I am sad. And he says that I look a lot like her. And I know that it is okay to be sad, and it is also okay to cry. Because I know that I will see her again someday, and that I can talk to her when ever I want now. I don't have to go to her work to talk to her, or in her bedroom, because now she is with me all the time. My hero is my mom Addison Montgomery-Sloan because she was the most extraordinary person I knew and I will love her forever."

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That night your father and you did what you did almost every Friday night for the last three years. You packed up the blanket and the big box, and you drove to the cemetery. You walked together to the spot by the tree where your mother and brother lay to rest next to each other. You lay the flower near each headstone, and pray silently to them, while Mark sets up the telescope and, lays out the blanket. When he is finished you look through the telescope to you favorite part of the sky, the two brightest stars in the sky that had been named in your mother and brother's honor. The two stars that were them, looking down on you from heaven. You gazed at them, as you father hugged you, and you knew that you would be alright, because now you not only had your father to love, but you also had to angels in heaven of your vary own that loved you and were always looking out for you.


End file.
